The Humor of a Leadership Mirror—WTF?!!
By Dr. Pia Fitzgerald, The Agile Leader Blog
The main person you’ll always have to lead is YOU.
If Part 1 (The Mirror Isn’t Your Enemy—It’s Your Coach) took the sting out of reflection, Part 2 adds the laughter. Because let’s be real: the leadership mirror doesn’t just reveal strengths and blind spots—it flashes our quirks, contradictions, and those cringey little habits we’d rather keep hidden.
If we don’t laugh at these lovely quirks, contradictions, and cringey habits, being a leader becomes a drag! I’d much rather “struggle” with heavy weight in the gym than lug around the mental and emotional weight of leadership. How about you?
Humor lightens the load, lowers defensiveness, and reminds us that growth doesn’t have to feel like punishment—it can feel like play. And as Dr. Stuart Brown reminds us, the opposite of play isn’t work—it’s depression. So let’s laugh, let’s play, and yes—if you know me, you know I proudly call myself a humorologist. When you lean into humor, you’re also choosing play over perfectionism, and that choice is a leadership power move.
When the Mirror Feels Like a Funhouse
Sometimes leadership mirrors aren’t a clean reflection—they’re more like funhouse mirrors. Suddenly your “decisiveness” looks like stubbornness, your “attention to detail” looks like nitpicking, and your “supportive feedback” somehow shows up as micromanagement.
It can be awkward. But instead of groaning, what if you grinned? Humor reframes the distortion and helps us see the deeper truth without shame.
SEEN Reflection: Spot the Moment
Even distorted reflections carry truth IF we’re willing to notice.
What just happened that struck me as over-the-top, exaggerated, or funny, and what might it still be showing me?
Humor: A Shortcut to Clarity
Here’s a neuroscience nugget: laughter disarms the brain’s threat response. When you chuckle, your nervous system shifts out of defense mode, making you more open to new perspectives. Translation: humor helps the message of the mirror land without bruising your ego.
Ever rolled your eyes at your team’s “constant questions,” only to later laugh, realizing you’re actually being vague? That giggle isn’t just comic relief—it’s a coaching moment in disguise. Humor breaks the spell of perfectionism. Instead of needing to “get it right,” it gives you permission to play, to experiment, and to keep growing without shame.
SEEN Reflection: Examine the Lens
Humor loosens the grip of the story you’re telling yourself.
Am I telling myself this is a flaw to hide, or could it be a pattern to playfully adjust?
Laughing Yourself Into Curiosity
Humor and curiosity are cousins because they both create space for possibility. When you laugh at what you see in the mirror, you invite curiosity to step in right beside it.
Try swapping these questions when the mirror moment makes you cringe:
Instead of “Why do they always…?” → ask “Why is this so funny to me right now?”
Instead of “I can’t believe they said that…” → ask “What might this be showing me about myself?”
SEEN Reflection: Expand with Curiosity
Curiosity fueled by humor turns resistance into lightbulb moments.
If this moment were a comedy skit, what would it reveal about me?
Laugh, Learn, Lead
Humor doesn’t erase the lesson—it helps it stick. Why? Because your nervous system has been placed at ease, enabling you to learn. A well-timed laugh can be the exact shift you need to move from irritation to innovation.
One leader put it this way: “I realized the team was mirroring my procrastination… so we all laughed and then finally got the report done—get this—TOGETHER.” Humor made the truth less threatening and more actionable. And notice, the win didn’t come from doing it perfectly—it came from moving forward playfully. Choosing play over perfectionism opened the door for progress and connection.
SEEN Reflection: Navigate Next Steps
Humor opens the door for lighter, aligned action.
What’s one small step I can take, with a smile, to model the behavior I want reflected?
Laugh It Up!
The mirror doesn’t always have to sting. Sometimes it’s downright funny. And when you let yourself laugh at the reflection, you loosen your grip on perfectionism, soften the self-criticism, and open the door to more authentic leadership.
Listen Linda, Larry, and Lee: leadership is serious work, but it doesn’t have to be somber work. And if you can laugh at yourself, you might find your team feels safer laughing, learning, and leading with you.
Action Item: What’s one mirror moment that made you laugh recently and what did it teach you? Write it down, share it, or bring it up in your next team huddle. And, again, it would bless my pants to read in the comments.
Next Up: Don’t miss Part 3 of the Mirror Mini-Series: The Projection Trap: How Our Filters Shape the Way We See Others. We’ll move from funhouse laughs into the deeper work of recognizing how much of what we “see” in others is really a reflection of ourselves.